1 00:00:01,890 --> 00:00:03,240 - So I'm Edward Szczepanik, 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:08,240 I lost my wife Megan Rychwa in May of 2013. 3 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:10,910 She was funny, she was full of life. 4 00:00:10,910 --> 00:00:13,680 She was probably, if not the most generous person 5 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,630 I've ever met. 6 00:00:14,630 --> 00:00:17,130 That's why her lose hit everybody so hard. 7 00:00:17,130 --> 00:00:20,010 Because she was just so well known, 8 00:00:20,010 --> 00:00:21,610 so well loved and so well liked. 9 00:00:22,580 --> 00:00:26,080 So a water shed moment for me was sitting at my desk 10 00:00:26,080 --> 00:00:28,450 that day in August and getting a call from her 11 00:00:28,450 --> 00:00:30,270 that she was gonna go to the emergency room 12 00:00:30,270 --> 00:00:32,450 cause she felt numbness in her face. 13 00:00:32,450 --> 00:00:34,610 And the doctor starts asking all these questions 14 00:00:34,610 --> 00:00:36,987 about family history and finally Megan says, 15 00:00:36,987 --> 00:00:39,430 "hey, am I gonna be okay? Can I go home?" 16 00:00:39,430 --> 00:00:41,187 He said, "no you can't go home, 17 00:00:41,187 --> 00:00:43,197 "we found a mass on your brain stem 18 00:00:43,197 --> 00:00:44,427 "about the size of a golf ball 19 00:00:44,427 --> 00:00:46,380 "and we need to admit ya tonight." 20 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,800 The course of Megan's illness lasted 21 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:51,410 just about 20 to 22 months. 22 00:00:51,410 --> 00:00:52,940 I learned something about Megan I didn't know 23 00:00:52,940 --> 00:00:55,020 in the bar that night in November 24 00:00:55,020 --> 00:00:57,130 or even on the day that we got married, 25 00:00:57,130 --> 00:01:00,010 was how impossibly strong and resilient she was 26 00:01:00,010 --> 00:01:02,440 and so, she could've said no at any point 27 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:04,700 to any of those treatments, she never said no. 28 00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:07,830 She always took whatever the medical team offered her 29 00:01:07,830 --> 00:01:11,760 and suggested because as we talked about often, 30 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:14,840 kinda late at night, she couldn't go 31 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:17,270 knowing that she didn't try every single thing 32 00:01:17,270 --> 00:01:19,450 that would've allowed us to stay married 33 00:01:19,450 --> 00:01:20,550 and her to stay alive. 34 00:01:24,010 --> 00:01:26,070 For the months following that I was 35 00:01:26,070 --> 00:01:28,600 sort of the lowest of the low that I could be 36 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,510 both personally and professionally. 37 00:01:30,510 --> 00:01:32,150 I felt incredibly alone. 38 00:01:32,150 --> 00:01:34,110 I'll have a beer with dinner, maybe two, 39 00:01:34,110 --> 00:01:36,020 I think that's kinda what we all know to be reasonable. 40 00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:38,300 I wasn't having significantly more than that 41 00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:39,830 but I certainly wasn't having two. 42 00:01:39,830 --> 00:01:41,791 I think he saw it and we went for a ride around base 43 00:01:41,791 --> 00:01:43,990 in Charleston one day 44 00:01:43,990 --> 00:01:46,369 and he said "hey man I gotta ask, 45 00:01:46,369 --> 00:01:47,937 "do you have a gun at home?" 46 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:51,360 And so I said "yeah, I do." 47 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,670 He said, "do I need to take it from you?" 48 00:01:53,670 --> 00:01:55,470 And then I realized that the people around me, 49 00:01:55,470 --> 00:01:57,130 all the people that rallied around me, 50 00:01:57,130 --> 00:01:58,610 weren't just worried about me, 51 00:01:58,610 --> 00:02:01,190 they were deeply concerned about my health 52 00:02:01,190 --> 00:02:02,730 and my overall wellbeing. 53 00:02:02,730 --> 00:02:04,840 To the point that they thought I might actually 54 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:06,390 do something about my grief. 55 00:02:06,390 --> 00:02:09,320 I was stubborn and thought that I could manage it myself. 56 00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:11,060 We all wanna believe if we're the uniform 57 00:02:11,060 --> 00:02:12,990 that we can manage anything, right? 58 00:02:12,990 --> 00:02:14,320 That's how we're trained and what we believe. 59 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:15,830 I was able to kind of talk through it 60 00:02:15,830 --> 00:02:18,920 and realize that there was life after Megan. 61 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:20,120 It wasn't so much about moving on, 62 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:21,520 it was about moving forward. 63 00:02:22,805 --> 00:02:24,150 But it's still really hard. 64 00:02:24,150 --> 00:02:26,730 Okay, this isn't a clean story. 65 00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,220 Grief is not linear. 66 00:02:28,220 --> 00:02:29,960 I think there are ups and downs, right, 67 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:31,490 to any kind of recover, 68 00:02:31,490 --> 00:02:33,860 whether it be physical or emotional or mental. 69 00:02:33,860 --> 00:02:35,230 When you meet somebody you wanna marry 70 00:02:35,230 --> 00:02:38,203 you don't picture yourself ever not being married to them. 71 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:40,980 I can't predict what grief woulda done 72 00:02:40,980 --> 00:02:42,780 had I not addressed it when I did. 73 00:02:42,780 --> 00:02:44,060 That's the scary part. 74 00:02:44,060 --> 00:02:45,567 The longer you let it go 75 00:02:45,567 --> 00:02:47,750 and the longer you try to self manage, 76 00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:50,763 self medicate and self heal and self counsel, 77 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,850 I think the higher risk you run 78 00:02:53,850 --> 00:02:56,470 of something happening to you 79 00:02:56,470 --> 00:02:58,500 or you doing something to yourself 80 00:02:58,500 --> 00:03:01,050 that you never would've imagined even months prior. 81 00:03:02,170 --> 00:03:04,960 I will tell you that the Air Force does this right 82 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,330 if you take advantage of what the Air Force offers. 83 00:03:07,330 --> 00:03:10,730 Through a lot of help, from a lot of people 84 00:03:10,730 --> 00:03:13,490 and a lot of services that our Air Force provides, 85 00:03:13,490 --> 00:03:15,840 I'm now the proud Commander of the 3rd Airlift Squadron 86 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:17,320 of the Dover Air Force base 87 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:20,150 and an even prouder husband of Lacey Raymond 88 00:03:20,150 --> 00:03:21,093 for now one year.