Your thoughts about an event drive your reaction, not the event itself. If your reaction isn’t helpful, think about whether you are in a cognitive trap. If yes, then you can Check for a Double-Standard by asking yourself:

• Would I judge other people harshly if they did the same thing?
• Am I judging myself more harshly than I would judge someone else?
• For example: You missed a foul shot and blame yourself for losing the game. If a teammate missed a foul shot, would you blame him/her for the entire loss?

Your thoughts about an event drive your reaction, not the event itself. If your reaction isn’t helpful, think about whether you are in a cognitive trap. If yes, then you can Examine the Evidence by asking yourself?

• Do you know everything you need to know?
• Is there any evidence to support what you think?
• Is there any evidence to challenge what you think?
• Am I missing information that would help me react more productively?

There are many different cognitive traps, but generally they’re all a form of reacting when you don’t have all the information you need, or you aren’t fully considering everything.

Mind reading is something we’re all guilty of at some time or another. It can come in two different forms: assuming you know what the other person is thinking, or expecting another person to know what you are thinking. One of the most common places this happens is in close relationships. After so much time together, you start to assume you know what your best friend or spouse is thinking and may expect him/her to know what you’re thinking.

There are many different cognitive traps, but generally they’re all a form of reacting when you don’t have all the information you need, or you aren’t fully considering everything.

Confirmation bias is when we only find information that supports our existing opinion. We are attracted to information that confirms what we already believe. We search for or interpret information in a way that confirms our existing beliefs and thoughts. For example, if you believe that a co-worker is difficult to work with, you may only see him or her doing things that confirm that opinion—like being late or making a mistake. If you have a confirmation bias, you miss the positive things that co-worker may do, such as stay late to work on something, or help someone else.

There are many different cognitive traps, but generally they’re all a form of reacting when you don’t have all the information you need, or you aren’t fully considering everything.

Blaming others is when we focus only on other people as the source of your feelings or the cause of events. For example, “I couldn’t get to sleep early because my roommate kept me up watching movies.

Blaming yourself is when we only think about yourself in a situation, and not seeing the contributions of others. For example, your supervisor is quiet, and you assume he or she is upset about your performance. Instead, it may be that he or she may be thinking of something unrelated to how you are performing.

When a friend or family member shares good news with you: Be engaged and interested. Ask questions, by seeking additional details about the event or asking why the event is meaningful. Express excitement and enthusiasm about the positive news. Show authentic interest and support. Being there for someone when they share good news can be a gateway conversation in the relationship. If the person trusts you to celebrate good news with them, they may also trust you when they need to talk about something more difficult.